even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
