U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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