what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
