she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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