dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
