at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Redeem this text for a blowjob
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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