im holly from the hills drunk
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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