No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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