well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're like the curious george of whores
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
