Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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