I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
