you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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