I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize