covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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