Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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