I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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