Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
