I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
