I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
