those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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