There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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