Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
