Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I need to stop coming to work sober
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize