May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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