I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
