You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
