Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am mentally ready for anal.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
