I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i believe in u and ur pee