that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.