My room smells like vodka and shame
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Who died my cat blue again?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
