You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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