She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They took my balls.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes