wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina