I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
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Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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