I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
