my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
