New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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