i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
