i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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