just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
