i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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