I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize