wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Randomize