I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.