Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.