What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
