Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
