Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
