What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
