well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
