Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
