he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
In America we eat man semen.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
