Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
