Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
