SEEEEXXX PLEASE
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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