I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
