wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
