I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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