Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
