Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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