I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
