we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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