Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
