We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i only shaved half my leg
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?