yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What drink are we having for lunch?
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out