? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life