dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying