You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off