bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?