is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.