Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.