The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
