he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
