Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
