Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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