i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
