There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
