I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
