Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
