is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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