Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
